I want to gamble on casino games, play poker and bet on (fantasy) sports online!
Ever since I had my name legally changed to ThePornDude, people have always assumed my only vice is whacking off fourteen times a day while locked in a sound-proof masturbation chamber. Don’t get me wrong—pornography is my main addiction and the primary reason for getting out of bed in the morning, but I also spend much of the day munching on candy and biting my nails (after a thorough hand washing, of course).
“But PornDude,” you ask, “how can you have time to gamble when you’re so busy reviewing porn sites and shooting scenes for PornDudeCasting?” It’s pretty simple, really, provided you’re living in the 21st century with me: online gambling. Sure, I could put on a pair of pants and go hit the casino or local OTB shop, but I’m a busy motherfucker! If I can place bets on the web and rake in some cash pulling the lever on a virtual slot machine, there’s really no reason I need to leave the house.
Online gambling has come a long way since the ‘90s. It’s easier, more accessible, and they’ve come up with all sorts of fun ways to risk your money. The sites I’ve chosen for this list are some of the best Internet casinos and virtual bookies out there, hand-chosen for their safety, features, and payouts. Let’s be real here; the industry is ripe for scams, so you don’t want to risk your money on some sketchy ripoff website. Let your old friend ThePornDude do the homework for you, so you don’t have to spend hours figuring out which sports betting and casino sites are legit. The risks here are real, but so are the rewards. You game?
What kind of casino games can I play online?
Modern Internet casinos do everything in their power to make online gambling as fun and exciting as the real thing. There are fewer flashing lights and fewer hookers hanging around, and you’ll have to supply your own atmospheric cigarette smoke, but most of the casino games you know and love are readily available. They’ve got table games like baccarat, roulette and craps, plus a million variations of blackjack and poker. Keno and bingo are readily available, too. Slots are a given, with fruit machines in every theme you can think of.
While a lot of these are the kind of faceless, automated games you expect to play on the Internet, you can also play games with real live dealers. It’s part of the real casino experience, so as I said, they do their best to recreate it in the online version. Whatever your usual game is, you can find a web-based variation that lights up your brain and fucks with your wallet the same way they do in Vegas. Some of these sites have literally thousands of games to choose from, so you may want to set a budget before you go in.
What kind of sports can I bet on online?
Dude. What kind of half-ass betting operations do you think I’m giving you here? This ain’t a list of the small-time bookies in some shithole town where you can only bet on the local little league game. You can bet on pretty much any sporting event around the world from the comfort of your own bed or strip-club champagne room. What’s your game? Is it soccer, American football, basketball, baseball, or are you into MMA cage -fighting and boxing? They’ve got hockey, cricket, cycling, Australian rules and even shit like darts. Get bougie with some golf or tennis betting, get rough with rugby, or risk it all on a high-stakes game of ping-pong.
Why stop with the classics, though? These days, it’s easy as hell to gamble on fantasy sports and esports. If you think your dude is the shit at Counter-Strike or League of Legends, why not put some money where your mouth is? If people are betting on it, chances are you’ll get your opportunity on one of these online gambling sites. See, mom? Watching people play video games ain’t a waste of time if they’re making you money!
How do I fund my account and how can I collect my winnings?
It does vary a bit from site to site, but trust me, they’ve made it as easy as possible for you to fund your account and withdraw your winnings. A lot of these online casinos and betting sites are globe-spanning operations, and the multitude of payment methods reflects that. Options include debit cards, credit cards, eWallets, vouchers and even cash. Use your Visa or Mastercard, Electron or Maestro, PayPal account, or you can even do direct bank transfers if you want a direct funnel to your piggy bank. If you’re a cutting-edge nerd, crypto advocate or cybercriminal, a lot of these sites will let you gamble with bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies.
How do bitcoin betting sites work?
A lot of these gambling sites will let you play with cryptocurrency. Bitcoin is the big one that everyone’s heard of, used for everything from ordering burritos to buying illegal bugs off the darknet. That said, you’ll also find opportunities to stake some of that ETH, BNB, TRX or BTT you’ve been hoarding. Because of the nature of the currency, they often roll in some perks like bonuses or investment opportunities for crypto users. If you have experience with BTC or any of the others, you won’t have any trouble figuring out how to gamble with it on these sites.
They typically do not have their own currency exchanges, which means you can’t use the casinos and betting sites to turn your cash into crypto before betting it. Each site does have a detailed walkthrough, though, explaining how to get your bitcoin through platforms like Coinbase and CashApp. There’s still a slight learning curve for newbies, but it’s been getting steadily easier as more people get on board with crypto.
What are the best betting sites in 2024?
Well, that depends on what you’re looking to play and where you live. Some of the sites on my list focus on sports betting, others do online casino games, and the rest offer a combination of both. One of the biggest factors, though, are the laws and regulations these guys play by.
Like so much of adult entertainment, online gambling can exist in something of a legal gray area; these guys tend to follow the rules to a T, so their websites don’t get shut down. Sometimes the best betting site is whichever one works in your area, and lets you bet on what you want to bet on. Whatever the case, you’ll find the most reliable, safest, and most entertaining gambling sites on the list below.
PornDude, what do you like to bet on?
It depends on my mood, my dudes. I like to put a few bucks on the big fights and big games, and occasionally don a fedora when I’m rooting for my favorite Dota 2 players with money on the line. Sometimes if I just want a quick fix, I’ll fuck with the virtual slots or those monetized variations on Minesweeper. If I’m feeling really risky, I do appreciate a good game of poker.
PornDude, winner winner chicken dinner! Give me advice on how to become a gambling millionaire!
Half the gamblers I know claim to have a system, but it seems like they’re perpetually ironing out the kinks. My biggest advice is pretty simple: don’t bet more than you can afford to lose. It sounds like common sense, but that’s where people fuck up. You know what they say, though; the bigger the risk, the bigger reward. That’s why it’s so much fun just watching those high-stakes poker players; the thrill of living it is even greater.
But hey, don’t let me lecture you on how to spend or make your money. I’m more of a porn expert anyway, with gambling as one of my side vices. Whether you’ve got a system for striking it big, you’re still feeling it out or you just want to play virtual slots for spare change, you’ll find everything to meet your online gambling needs on the sites below. I’ll keep this list updated as I find worthwhile online casinos and betting parlors, so drop a bookmark now if you always want quick access to the best gambling sites on the web.